Okay I decided to go to OC again (this time with good intentions) because they were having their summer party and I had an invite, mass distributed but still an invite... normal price but, this time you got a sourbom and piece of the Bibi’s birthday cake (real cake made of flour)not sure if she baked it thought. For starters everybody talks about the big OC party but they never turn up, sometimes I think it’s got something to do with money and black people. These things two things are like water and oil and they don’t gel. Then you have that one taxi from Soweto that bring along the Sowetans wearing carvellas and rocking dodgy weaves. It’s like the taxi started with decent looking group that did not fill up; so they had to pick-up some seat fillers along the way -they normally never dressed for the occasion-and sad thing is that they stand out like sore thumb on the dance floor. Back to the party apart from the Sowetans you had your usual suspects. No names mentioned (reason I know faces not names). They were all there the true religion of the F.O.C. You had your cougars and you had your lost souls there and I don’t fall under neither. There cougars, you see them by being overzealous, over dressed or most commonly underdressed. Make-up is used not to enhance beauty but to bring back the youth long gone. You see it their eyes, when they start questioning why they gave up their (much needed) sleep to come play happy feet with their nieces. At times they try hard to fit in, but you see they try so hard they end making fools of themselves like falling over the dance floor. My agony aunt advice to them; try internet dating, for there you can lie about your age and no one will know.
Then you get the in betweens, they neither cougars or lost. Most times ‘The in betweens’ are there with their life partners and they spend the night staring into (past) each other eyes. What I’m saying is that both are looking over each other’s shoulders into the eyes of another person. They both came there to prove a point that they are so in love and they celebrating their love, but trust you me that is not true. Firstly I would like to think that an O.C is a singles hub. Where everyone whose single (or acts single for that night) goes there to hook up with a Facebook rendezvous mate or to go and celebrate being single. So I bet you 100 Zimbabwean dollars that is not perfect setting for love birds. Most of the time these couples leave the party early because one is having a hissy fit about how can her partner disrespecting her like that(I say boo-hoo)... or they don’t leave, they stay and spend the rest of night not talking, sullen and everybody doing their own thing.
Then my favourite types of people were there too. I call them lost souls. LS are those that got taken by the homosexual pop culture. There were a handful of them there. Normally they find themselves at O.C parties in the company of their partners. They are those bi-sexual or straight girls that temporary think that they are lesbian. Lost souls are those chicks that took a leap of faith and explored the other side of the fence, and found it to be a cold cup of tea. To keep these chicks interested and in full party mode, keep them intoxicated. The moment the booze or (lack of it) runs out you found them drawing back into themselves and finding a dark corner and sitting there the rest of the night adding to the number of depressed, sullen people at summer party. They spend the rest the night with shocked, disbelieving, disgusted, and a -take -me -out -of -here looks on their faces. Some are lucky they bring friends (just to add to the numbers and to play it safe) but the mood just rubs off on their friends and they too increase the number of sulking, glum people at the party. Like North Pole has the South Pole, lost souls have their opposites. These girls flirt with every skirt /pants in the room, and funny enough OC veterans can take note of newcomers, like predators to prey. I don’t blame them because these girls go O.C to confirm that they too can attract, or to seduce other girls. Those weak in mind and soul fall for these jezebels easily. Trust me, one can do with good shag once in a while, but this shag has got its consequences. The morning after the shag the gears change. The predator becomes the prey. Like a fly to a spider web, the veterans get trapped, in” the love me now or I’m going to self destruct meltdowns”. Now who would like to have the meltdown on their conscious? You now have to mentor, nature, and tend to this blooming gay lady. So beware ladies it’s one of the other and neither of them is better than the other one. Like I said F.O.C is the street corner were the straight and narrow meet.
Now the hits and misses. Firstly a little tweet told me that colour blocking is the order of the day. Well you guessed it the Sowetans seat fillers did not get that memo. Come to think of it only five people colour blocked, and no I’m not counting that the door lady in green and red, cause she looked like she was dressed to go mall quickly to get milk and bread. Moving along, the first hit was one of the door ladies she had on blue chinos and very nice red _____ shoes and was carrying a sling bag (hotness). A other hit was the birthday girl. I also take my hat off for the DJ’s, and let’s not forget the DJ’s (the one in a jean-to-jean outfit) lady friend and her entourage. Those were well put together girls.
Misses was everyone that did not colour blocked including me. Any respecting femme that was not in heels, excluding those ones that have medical reasons not wear them (me). Those two girls (I having a sneaky suspicion they were from Soweto) that wore heels and could not walk in them. One butch mama in outfit that included leather pants - clearly to her summer does not mean very hot weather- and a waist coat, she killed me. Had I been drinking I would’ve mistaken her for a clean shaven uncle Jabulani (generations). As for that performance or was it the shooting of her music video. I could do nothing but wonder if, is that what she want do for the rest of life, perform for a uninterested crowds ,trust me no-one was jealous, just worried that she could have been doing something productive with her time. Sleep for one, or like helping out at her local community orphanages or working at hair salon so as to get free hair solutions tips, I’m just a suggesting. To add to my disappointment nobody told us where we could get her CD, cause I was planning to get it for my ex lover as Christmas prezzie. Or is she on YouTube is that it, can somebody please confirm it. Nearly forgot that girl that was wearing a tent and bright yellow shirt with a baseball cap. You could house a family of six underneath that tent, which I found after close inspection that it was a delela.
I promise next time I’ll take my camera with, and hey guess what’ next time’ is just around the corner. F.O.C is having a beach party on the 16th at tropical sunset. After i post this I’m type a memo for my Sowetans sisters advising them to opt for shorts, miniskirts that are above the knees and little below the cheeks and vest than for that glitter party dresses they failed to wear at summer party. Flat shoes practical if any shoes at all. Trust me; I’m doing this for the greater good.
