Being of the year I lost
her (Wandi) to the soil. She passed on the first week of the year. Since we
were not the greatest (closest) of terms her death shocked me none the less,
and given that were supposed to be meeting to get good platonic term again did
not help the matter. She will
forever haunt me; if anything she will
go down as of the most dominating figures that shaped me. Funnily enough the
whole of last year we spent doing things to spite each other, and in retrospect
we could have just sat down ironed our things out and become friends (then
again it would be very uncharacteristic of charged relationship). So let her beautiful soul rest in peace and
where ever she is hope is good place, for she deserves nothing better…
So the year started with me
bumping into the harsh reality of life; life is too short and you never know
what tomorrow will bring. After this big Ahh” moment I decided to slow down
again. I shed a lot of things that connected me with joburg. I wanted a new
start, a new break, and new friends. Looking back I now realise I had them as
friends because I wanted them to define me “you are the company you keep” it’s
been said. Not that I did not fit I just
got tired of the gimmicks, the drama and constant bullshitting….So for the past
7 months it’s been good. NO personal drama. Good friends. I still hate school
but I’m getting by well. I’m still in love with my parents and my sister. My
weight is still undecided. And i finally dyed my hair (Yeaah!!!!). So all in all it is been great. Small Heaven I declare, stamp and sealed and
signed.
I know why I’m blogging?
Well today my dear beloved marks the day (a 5 month ago) that universe showed
its powers. A day that fate showed its cute face (its round, it’s got freckles
and lazy mouth). Yep I got have stare
down with fate, it won by the way because I said yes to do on a blind date. Yes
a blind date. In my case since I knew who was going to be sitting across table
from me- which should tell you I have super natural powers- the blind date
meant that I had trouble envisioning what our first date would be like. I mean
this was my first not so blind date but it was daunting; I’m not one for
surprises of this kind, I like to know which material (script) to use. You
never know these days with people being overly sensitive about politics, money,
weight, and childbirth. I would like to know which personality trait should
shine above others; should I act as if I know a lot about everything or should
act like a dumb wit, should use dry humour to test their intelligence or keep
at the primary talking animals jokes,
should I act like love struck puppy or should I play hardball and be unaffected
the sheer pleasure of their presence at the table, do I bring my wallet or do I
conveniently forget mine at home… I need
to know should and should-not’s before the waiter ask us are we ready to order.
Like if I were to be asked question like “so
what do think Barack Obama?” There can
be one or two answers to this depending on the person. 1. I think he should not
be in the running in the election because of lack of leadership skills or for
his gross mishandling of the Gulf oil-leak crisis. 2. I like him. You see my point.
Well as blind dates or
not-so-blind dates goes, I would give this a respectable 8.5 out 10. Firstly I
woke with a moerse hangover, trust you me hangovers and nerves don’t go well
together. I made to it the meeting place
in blue polka dot dress (I figured let me dress-up for once), with no appetite
and bucket full of patience (she was an hour late). When she eventually
appeared she got me drunk and I loosened up. We talked about nothing at all, I
just remember is that I she was she best company I’ve had in a long while…
Well it’s been 5 months and
nothing has happened. Who’s to blame I figure it’s me. The poor child has done nothing wrong but be
herself. Since I know no-one is going be judgemental and if you are I don’t
care, y’all are more screwed up than I am, I’m going tell you why I’m to
blame. This is classic case of ‘getting
bored easily’, but since it’s me we talking about this statement don’t apply to
me. I don’t get bored easily. It’s true.
I don’t like this statement, because people normally use this statement
to get out of relationship easily, and not those types of peoples.
Let me set the record
straight, she is awesome person. She the
total opposite of what I’m, yes I know opposite attract and live in harmony
together. Like everyone else she has flaws, and they slowly but surely they
getting to me. Before I start listing
her flaws let list first and then we compare which are justifiable.
I’m not totally out yet;
I’m up for the discussion of how, where, and when (if get my drift), whilst she
rocking that I’m gay so what attitude. Hey I say kudos to her, but for now
understand that not everyone is in the secret of why I hang with gay people. While I’m a open book with blank pages, she
is tightly closed volume with useful information to make the world understand
her. Bra all I’m asking is your hopes and dreams and life story, cause I don’t
believe that someone has lived up your age don’t have a story to tell. While in
my case I prefer telling what one wants to hear. Trouble she learnt that I say
a whole shit without saying anything at all, so she on one woman mission to
find my core. I don’t have a core, and even if I do have one I don’t believe
anyone in their right mind would find it interesting than it is disappointing,
or is shocking. I would know because I don’t like digging deep within myself.
So don’t ask me to go deep i hate it there, I know it’s unfair. Then in defence
bra if won’t be vulnerable, why should i.
I can go on, but I don’t have the whole day I’m suppose to be typing an
assignment (s).
I will leave you with this, as I writing the
piece it become apparent to me that It’s not that I don’t like her, is not I
would not date her, is not that she not girlfriend material, Its that she not
my type…
Unfair .Shocking.Selfish. Insensitive. Disappointing. Immoral. I did say my core don't look good.
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